I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
