I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
