you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
