I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
