is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
