lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
