oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
