Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
