bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
