God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
