This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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