she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Randomize
