Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i barfeds in our rink
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
