My cat gives me a boner
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
