I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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