If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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