Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
