it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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