It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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