She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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