lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
