I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
