Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Randomize
