farters have to be the big spoon...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
