yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
