I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
