so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
