I'm really into asian looking animals
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
