this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
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