my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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