i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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