I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Less talking, more tequila
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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