She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
