At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
its liver damage thursday
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
