When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
