you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
my poor anus
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
