I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
