hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
