Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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