Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
