I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
