I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
did i walk over a car last night?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
