Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
