His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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