Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
