I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
