Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I party with great urgency now.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
