Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Randomize
