His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
