So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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