Ambien. No doubt about it.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
